I Crucify Myself

I crucify myself
a thousand times every day
I keep thinking
that
I'll cut it out
but I don't
there is all this extra baggage
and unfinished business
and this nebulous thing about
"being nice"
even when
I'm trying to be pointed and honest
strings are attached
I forgive them and then
forget to forgive
myself
this is my crown of thorns
my Crown Royal
and this is where
I stab myself
in the back
driving the point home
just literally pounding it in
is this really me
or do I still have my blinders
on shattering self images
counting down the years
time is running out
burning the candle
at both ends i'm trying to get a
handle on it
I want to be "good"
I want to get all my shit
into one small bag
I want that last piece
of the puzzle to slide
easily into place
and is that once in a blue moon
pie in the sky happily ever after
magical thinking
did i make my bed and now
i have to lie in it
feels deeply rooted
am I still a girl fragile
easily shattered
or just an old hag
with a bunch of screws loose
this is my slippery slope
the not so soft place
where I land
the quick sand I thrash around in
every day

-Barbie

Like it?
See the slide show at Green Dolphin Studio or visit a complete set of photos at Flickr.
This piece, by the way, has been sold.